I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
