I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
