I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
