Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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