You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You did what with his pubic hair?
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