My nipple is on Facebook.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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