he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
