You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're like the curious george of whores
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
