Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
