its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
