ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
