We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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