My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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