i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
