You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
