my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
