oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
