Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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