so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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