You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
