guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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