Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
