Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
