he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
