I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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