Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
