Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someone shattered a urinal.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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