jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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