Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Buhtt sex?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
