so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
