Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
time to smoke my breakfast
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
