I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
