wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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