Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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