I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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