i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
