***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize