I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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