Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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