Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
