my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The police scanner is talking about you again....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
