sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
