im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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