She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just googled if crying burns calories
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
