The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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