oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
