I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
