he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
