this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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