ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
