i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
