What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
