Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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