I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
