He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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