Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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