You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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