when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Drake has all the answers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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