At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
